It started this morning with her presence at my closet door in full on tears. She has been having nightmares the last few nights because of the book she is reading for school and last night she actually slept through to morning, something I always appreciate. ;] So here she comes, full on crying… she caught me in my underwear but 30 seconds earlier she would have caught me between shorts (and really would have had nightmares then). So she is crying because she thought I had already left for work. She was so upset that she thought she might have missed me… sweet girl. So I tell her to give me a minute and I would sit with her a while. We negotiated upstairs or down and I finished getting ready for the day.
She is waiting for me downstairs in the dark, blanket in hand with only the TV on. Have to have the TV on, right? So she curls up into a little bean shape, with her knees under her chin and scoots over to me. I do my best Sesame Street impression of the letter “C” and we curl up together...sort a little backwards "c" inside of a bigger "C" if you can picture it. She is curled up facing me and I wrap my arms around her trying to scoop her up. I am sitting with her thinking this has to be the best it can get for a father. I mean, I am sitting here with her and she is possibly showing me the most sincere, kindhearted and loving side of her personality and realize that I don’t want her to grow up any more. I want her to stop growing right now because it all feels like its going to end soon. I don’t know if I can explain it but they are all growing up so quickly, I just want the ride to stop for a while. I want them to stay the same for a longer span of time than is possible.
She is being thrown into a world that I am not ready for her to see fully. I feel like we have tried to show her all the best behavior when it comes to others, but I always feel like it’s not enough. I feel like my faults will somehow erase some of the good things we tried to teach her. I feel like maybe we were unrealistic in how we treat her. For example, she has only heard how beautiful and how smart she is at least 5 times daily for her entire existence. You would think her ego would be off the charts…but its not. She always surprises me. She thinks other girls all hear the same kind things from their parents I think… maybe they do. They should if they don’t. She is kind and sweet to her friends and is hurt easily when they aren’t. She is complimentary with everyone and has even told a perfect stranger that they looked beautiful. Her capacity in caring for others feelings is pretty amazing. Maybe Amber and I got this right.
Look... cute top (I'm told) and a model of an animal cell... see pretty and smart. ;]
So we just sit there… neither of us watching what is on TV… (Jetson’s for you OCD types)… just holding each other and not thinking anything or saying anything, just being. She even kissed the back of my hand one time when it was close. She has no idea how much I love her. Sweet girl. Precious girl. Perfect girl.
I think I got 12-15 hugs before I finally got out the door.
Probably one of the best mornings ever so I thought I would share. Sorry if this sappy insight blew your image of me. ;]
